“Wait. What do you actually do?”
Your headline, your offer, and whether a stranger can tell who it’s for before reaching for the back button.
LANDING PAGE ROAST · BY RAMIN ASSEMI
Your landing page
is about to have
a very bad day.
conversion menace.
I’ll find the confusing pitch, the missing proof, and the button nobody wants to click. Then I’ll tell you exactly what I’d fix first.
Okay. Roast my page.Starting with 3 free public case studies. Your ego may incur a small fee.
Built Close’s content engine✳10+ years in B2B SaaS marketing✳Still building my own sites
01 / THE RECEIPTS
Big eyebrows.
Actual experience.
The face is ridiculous. The work behind it isn’t.
Close↗I built the content engine
I built the content engine
at Close from scratch.
Audience research. Content. Conversion paths. The unglamorous work of turning useful pages into a reason to sign up.
See my work at Close250KB2B leads generated organically
$0Ad spend behind that content engine
“When Ramin sets up a system, it runs, it converts, and it scales.”
I also ship the stuff.
My own projects. Different audiences. Real decisions about what to build, what to say, and what to leave out.
01 / BUYER RESEARCH
recruitmentcrm↗
Independent software comparisons. Pricing evidence. Helping buyers make a decision.
02 / USEFUL TOOLSedittxt↗
Browser-local text tools. One clear problem, one useful outcome, very little ceremony.
03 / LOCAL DISCOVERYMassage Asoke↗
A Bangkok directory built around the details people need before choosing a place.
04 / CONTENT SYSTEMSB2BProcess↗
Structured workflows and practical SOPs for the processes behind a B2B business.
A few of my own projects, built for very different buying decisions.
02 / WHAT GETS ROASTED
Your page has one job.
Let’s see if it does it.
CLARITY
“Sounds great. Says who?”
The proof you have, the proof you’ve buried, and the claims that need more than your own enthusiasm.
“Why would I click that?”
Calls to action, pricing, objections, and every unnecessary little hurdle between interest and the next step.
“And how does anyone find this?”
The connection between your audience, your content, and your offer. A pretty page still needs a route to buyers.
A personal video teardown + a short, prioritized fix list.
You’ll see my reasoning, suggested copy changes, and what I’d test next. One page, one offer, clear next steps.
03 / PICK YOUR HEAT
Public embarrassment.
Or a private intervention.
Same brain. Same honest review. You choose who gets to watch.
THE PUBLIC ROASTFOUNDING CASE STUDIES
Freefor the first 3 selected pages
You get the feedback. Everyone gets to learn. Your page gets a little time in the spotlight.
- Personal recorded landing page review
- Prioritized fixes and copy suggestions
- Published as a public video + case study
- May be shared on my site and social channels
3 case studies to select. Applying doesn’t guarantee a spot.
THE PRIVATE ROAST
$500one-time · USD
For the page you want to fix without making the whole internet part of the conversation.
- Personal recorded landing page review
- Prioritized fixes and copy suggestions
- Video delivered privately to you
- No public video, case study, or social clips
Your page. Your feedback. Kept between us.
EARLY PAGES GET THE EARLY PRICE
The public price goes up as I take on more roasts.
- 3 free
- $10
- $20
- $50
- $100
- $150
- $200
- $250
First 3 selected public reviews: free. Then one roast at each price until $250. Your agreed price stays yours. Private stays $500.
04 / INTO THE HOT SEAT
Show me
the page.
Tell me what you sell, who it’s for, and what you want people to do. I’ll confirm fit and timing before the review.
I’m roasting the page.
We’re still friends after this.
A FEW FAIR QUESTIONS
Before you
send your baby.
Is this a design review or a growth review?
Both, where they connect. I look at your message, offer, proof, conversion path, and how the page fits your audience. I’ll point out design decisions that get in the way. This isn’t a full technical SEO audit, a redesign, or implementation work.
How do the free spots work?
I’m selecting three public pages to launch the series. Apply with a real page and a clear business behind it. I’ll confirm if yours is selected. Sending an application doesn’t reserve a place. After those three, the published price rises through the stages shown above.
What becomes public?
For a public roast: your public-facing page, business name, and the recorded review, which I may turn into a written case study or shorter social clips. I don’t publish your email or private application notes. Private roasts aren’t published or used in case studies.
Can you guarantee more sales?
No. I can give you a sharper diagnosis and concrete changes to test. Your traffic, product, audience, and implementation affect the outcome. A good review is a starting point for better decisions.
When do I get it, and how does payment work?
I confirm fit, delivery timing, and the final total before you commit. Free case studies don’t require payment. Paid reviews start after payment. If direct checkout is available, you’ll see the total on the secure checkout page before paying; otherwise I’ll send payment details personally.